Nellie Windmill

I’ve been thinking about my blog content these last few days. Feeling torn between all the different topics I blog about. Knowing that some of them need a bit of love while others are kinda needy and should back the hell off. I’ve been participating in a couple of online groups that have really sucked up all my blog real estate – In December it was Gwen Bells’ “Best of 2009″ and now it’s Andrea’s “Creating Dreams Come True”. All good stuff but I’ve been neglecting the art and travel posts. My partner, Mike and I have started travelling again after our 2 month hiatus in Hammamet, Tunisia, which got me thinking about how on earth I’m going to keep up with the blogging. Then, just yesterday I met two artists, gave them the URL for my blog and later realised that I don’t in fact have any of the art work I’ve created in the past 2 months on my blog! It really is a shocking state of affairs. One solution would be to simply blog more often but I actually want to live my life rather than just write about it. So, I’ve committed to keeping some sort of balance. I’m going to back off on the Creating Dreams posts and re-direct my blogging efforts to my art and travels more.

To kick this new direction off, I’ve posted THE painting that made me go oh, THIS is the stuff I want to paint. I’m a newbie in the art world and I’ve been dabbling in various styles. This piece was very much inspired by the work of groovy Italian artist Nicoletta Ceccoli. I love how outrageous she gets with her paintings and I’m aspiring to such levels of outrageousness. I wanna come up with some really weird shit. There are quite a few new paintings that I want to share with you guys but I’m going to post one at a time and comment on each.

My next post will be about our travels. I still haven’t finished posting about our time in Sicily and will have had three weeks of traveling in Tunisia under our belts by then so there’s going to be a lot of material to work with.

Overall, I think having too many interesting things happening in my life to blog about is a very good problem to have. However, with my new found direction and discipline I hope it becomes a bit clearer to everyone what this blog is actually about.

This week’s Creating Dreams Come True assignment is making a “This Is My Life List”. I think my favourite part of this exercise was visualising how I want each area of my life to feel. It forced me to be specific about what I wanted and what I felt was lacking in each area.

A real sticking point I had with this exercise was the life area of “Abundance”. I suspect this is one of those words with a fuzzy definition and wildly varying connotations, depending on who you ask. I’ve never really thought about abundance before so, like a good little Bachelor of Arts graduate, I decided I needed to define it first. My definition (straight out of the dictionary) is: “plentifulness of the good things of life; prosperity”. A great inner tug-of-war ensued between the two opposing values of abundance and simplicity. On the one hand, I don’t really desire “plentifulness” but rather “enough”. On the other hand, I’ve included things on my Big List of Dreams that fall into the abundance category, such as the killer wardrobe I desire. Of course, I have “enough” clothes right now but that doesn’t mean I’m satisfied with what I’ve got. I think in the end I managed to find a harmonious balance between the two. I’m certainly not aiming to live like a monk but the mindless pursuit of more stuff didn’t find it’s way onto my list either.

You probably noticed that I only have one task for each life area (with the exception of the Creativity area which has a whole action plan). I’m going with the principle that “lack of time is actually lack of priorities”, and have just gone with one task that I think will make a big impact in that area of my life. Once I’ve achieved them I’ll add more but for now I’m keeping it simple.

I’m participating in Andrea Schroeder’s online group called “Creating Dreams Come True”. For me, Andrea’s blog is one of those blogs I feel a connection with each time I visit, so participating in an online group of her design is fairly exciting. Last week, our assignment was to begin a Big list of Big dreams. This week, we’re making a list of dreams that have come true. To quote from Andrea, “this list helps to deepen our belief that dreams come true, and strengthen our faith in ourselves as the creators of dreams come true… part of what this list does is re-frame your self concept to see that you are already a success! When you feel like a success, you tend to create more successes”. A pretty solid theory, me thinks. I must admit, I feel a bit sheepish about writing this list. Will it be disappointingly unimpressive, or maybe I’ll feel like I’m gloating, or will it make me reflect on everything that I Didn’t excel at? Well, I guess we’ll find out…

1. Found my soul mate. Fell in love and stayed in love. Made a life together.
2. Went to university. I dreamt of this before I even knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I just knew I wanted to go to uni, to live on campus, to go to lectures, and to learn important, interesting things.
3. Got a social work degree. When I did figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was a social worker.
4. I ended up getting a Bachelor of Arts degree along the way too.
5. I got the grades in high school to get into the degree I wanted.
6. I got the grades in my BA and the work experience I needed to get into the most prestigious university in Australia to study social work (rather ironic really, going to a prestigious university to study how to address social disadvantage).
7. Moved to Melbourne. I grew up in the country and dreamt of living in the city. I actually dreamt about living in Sydney but thankfully I grew out of that and I’m very glad I didn’t move to Sydney (because then I wouldn’t have achieved my number 1 dream come true).
8. Making art I love. I love the art I’m making at the moment and I love making it. I’m in the midst of opening an online shop to sell the collage papers I’ve designed, my paintings and my digitally altered photographs.
9. Begin painting. Very intimidating and scary and there were a couple of false starts. I finally managed this hurdle with the help of Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts – another social worker turned artist.
10. Turned my doodles into finished paintings. Actually finishing a piece was a challenge. I’ve always doodled but this is the first time in my life I’m following through and completing them.
11. Travelling the world. For as long as I can remember I’ve dreamt of traveling. My partner and I have bought a motorhome and are traveling Europe and North Africa.
12. Saved enough to travel the world
13. Got enough house sitting jobs to save on rent to travel the world
14. Organised and followed through with all the details of moving overseas
15. Found the perfect motorhome for us, within our budget, from a trusted dealer
16. Learnt how to live in a motorhome
17. Travelled Ireland
18. Went to Paris, twice
19. Went to Queensland. For Aussie kids (or at least the ones I grew up with) Queensland is THE place to go for the holidays. I finally got my wish when I went with my partner and got to swim in pristine rivers and walk through lush rain forests.
20. Drove through the English countryside
21. Experienced spectacular natural beauty on our travels
22. No longer have to worry about money. There was a time in my life when I had to ask a friend for money for a bus ticket, when I only had one set of work clothes because I couldn’t afford to buy another, when I burst out in tears after an emergency trip to the dentist’s because I’d just spent my entire fortnight’s budget and didn’t know how I was going to eat. Now I’m in a place where, even if I lost all my savings I’m confident I could get a well paid job and survive.
23. Got a social work job working with refugees. I originally went into social work wanting to work in the mental health field. After volunteering at the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre I came away not wanting to work in any other field.
24. Learnt guitar. In high school I really wanted to be able to play an instrument. I took guitar lessons and ended up giving the lessons after a year.
25. Made contact with my birth mother. This didn’t go too well. I definitely wasn’t ready but I didn’t know that at the time and at least I tried.
26. Exercised my way to a bikini body. I only lasted a few months at the gym but it was just enough so I didn’t shame myself in my string bikini on the beaches of Southern Thailand.
27. Learnt how to cook (thanks to my partner for showing me how)
28. Learnt how to use photoshop to digitally alter photographs
29. Learnt how to hold a conversation with someone I don’t know without debilitating levels of anxiety
30. Am happy with my body
31. Got my driver’s license. I still can’t drive to save my life but I have a driver’s license… I test well.
32. Developed a healthier level of self respect
33. Made friends
34. Volunteered as a caseworker at the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre once a week for a year and a half
35. Leading a life that feels true to myself
36. Let go of caustic friendships
37. Overcame my arachnaphobia (ok, that one’s a stretch)
38. Making connections with other artistically inclined peeps on the interwebs
39. Attended an art class
40. Doing an online photoshop course with DJ Pettitt
41. Attended a professional development course in Belfast, Northern Ireland
42. Travelled through Italy with friends
43. Learnt how to use a computer and type (unlike the rest of my generation I didn’t grow up with a computer in the household)
44. Finding my own style in my artwork
45. Survived year 12 Japanese, despite my utter neglect of the subject throughout high school
46. Started a blog
47. Putting my art work online for people to see
48. Starting a creative business

On reflection, it was a bit of an uncomfortable list to make. It meant re-visiting times in my life when things weren’t so good in order to remember what I dreamed of at those times. However, doing this I realised that I do have a lot of those things now. It feels good to be able to look back and know how I felt then about the dreams come true, how they felt so impossible or far away and out of reach and yet here I am living them. Sometimes I spend so much time feeling regret or guilt about the past that it’s a welcome shift of perspective to solely think about the things I did right. It’s definitely a more constructive frame of mind given that “when you feel like a success, you tend to create more successes”.

Recently, I attempted to create a series of very girly pretty paintings for my new born niece’s nursery. A couple of them turned out great but one was just kinda dark and creepy and definitely not appropriate for a child’s bedroom. The above painting isn’t that one, but it’s definitely in the same vein. Although the painting didn’t quite go to plan, it took me somewhere much more interesting. I had an epiphany upon it’s completion. I’ve found my style. I didn’t produce the pink and cheerful painting I had in mind because that wasn’t what was wanting to come out and it’s not what inspires me. Interestingly, one of the paintings for my niece that did come out very girly and pretty will never adorn her nursery wall because I don’t feel comfortable putting it out in the world. I’m so aware of how much it isn’t my style that I feel uncomfortable with it, even though I’m happy with how it turned out aesthetically.

I’m really excited to create more paintings with whimsical, yet dark and creepy subjects. Think enchanted furry animals, porcelain doll ladies, hoop skirts, and little girls, all Mirror Mask-esque. I’ve got a whole bunch of these portrait style mini oval canvases that are perfect for introducing my new creations, one by one. I’d love to give them names and personalities and stories. I hope you all become good friends.

In my last blog post I cautioned against writing overly long lists of dreams or resolutions, which have a danger of being un-actionable (because of their scale) and unfocused (because they don’t distinguish between the important and the not so important). So, without further ado, here is my overly long list of dreams… I can explain, it’s for a good cause!

I’m very excited to be a part of Andrea Schroeder’s new online group “Creating Dreams Come True“. Turns out, our first assignment is to start a list of 100 things we want to do, be, or have! Her theory (in direct opposition to mine) is that to come up with 100, stretches you to dream bigger and really expands your ideas of what is possible. So, in the interest of being open to new ideas and having a bit of fun, I’m going with it. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

1. Go on a hot air balloon ride somewhere spectacularly beautiful
2. Successfully sell my collage papers on Etsy
3. Successfully sell my paintings and digitally altered photography on Red Bubble and Image Kind
4. Find my community and make true friendships with other creative, kindred spirits
5. Build a wardrobe full of flattering, quirky, beautiful clothes with lots of skirts, gorgeous footwear, and accessories
6. Have several side projects that earn an income from our travelling – photography, e-books, blog, etc
7. Learn bookbinding
8. Be an accomplished artist
9. Be an excellent conversationalist
10. Own an original Heather Haynes painting
11. Learn how to make pottery
12. Learn to sew
13. Create a children’s book
14. See the aurora borealis
15. Travel Canada in our motorhome
16. Travel New Zealand in our motorhome
17. Make friends in every country we travel to
18. Accept, forgive, and let go
19. Learn the story of my adoption
20. Go paragliding somewhere spectacularly beautiful
21. Practise yoga
22. Join a lively, fun, and friendly book club
23. Patronise contemporary and jazz dance productions
24. Patronise the theatre
25. Own a cozy, rustic cottage in the hills with a studio and an open fireplace
26. Continue to travel Europe in our motorhome
27. Hike the Alps
28. Patronise classical music concerts
29. Attend the Venice Carnival
30. Experience the midnight sun
31. Live in Ireland
32. Live in Paris
33. Live in London
34. For Mike and I to meet our target monthly income from our creative endeavours alone
35. Get to know my brother’s fiance and be a part of my niece’s life
36. Practise meditation
37. Travel Tasmania, Australia, in our motorhome
38. Feel strong and powerful in my body (I totally plagiarised that from Andrea but her wording was just so perfect!)

Wow, over a third of the way there and there’s still such a long way to go! I can see what Andrea means, I really am going to have to get a bit outrageous to make it to 100!

I feel like 2009 has been all packaged up in a neat little cyber parcel ready to be archived on the blog shelf and reminisced over at whim. A big thank you to Gwen Bell for these fun prompts to help us all reflect on the past year. Without further ado, my final musings to wrap it all up…

December 28 Stationary

When you touch the paper, your heart melts. The ink flows from the pen. What was your stationary find of the year?

I really like the thought of writing letters, but alas, my stationary is relegated to the purely utilitarian task of note taking and since I’ve run out of sketch book, sketching. It’s not heart melty or ink flowy. So, the prize for best stationary goes to my practical retractable pencil. I don’t know how I ever made art without it. It’s perfect for illustrating fine details and I think it would be pretty flowy to write with too.

December 29 Laugh

What was the biggest belly laugh of the year?

Mike and I had three friends stay for a couple of weeks with us in our motorhome, “Nettle”. It was dubbed the “Caravan of Comedy” during the time due to the hilarity that ensued. Good times…

December 30 Ad

What advertisement made you think this year?

The Lonely Planet dubs Tunisia a poster-child for successful post-colonial development and a model for how a moderate, secular Arab state can resist fundamentalism. Whilst here we’ve seen many billboards plastered to the sides of buildings and posters on shop walls of president Ben Ali looking smiley and warm. These have given us plenty of pause for thought when we come from a country that makes fun of our prime minister in comics in the major newspapers.

December 31 Resolution you wish you’d stuck with

(You know, there’s always next year…)

I don’t make new year’s resolutions. However, I did start an exercise from “The Four Hour Work Week” a month or so ago, which is in the same spirit as resolutions. The author, Tim Ferriss, calls it “dreamlining”. Basically you write down what you want to have, what you want to be, and what you want to do and then make a short-list of the most important ones. Then you work out how much money you have to earn each day to be able to achieve your top 4 dreams in 6 months. You start doing something towards achieving each dream that same day and every day thereon. It’s been great for me. I came away from it with clear priorities for my life for the next 6 months. I began prioritising time for art, which I hadn’t been doing before then. I started building my online creative business that very day and am at the point now where I’m ready to sell my art on Red Bubble and Image Kind and have designed 57 original collage papers to sell on Etsy. A month ago I didn’t even know how to use photoshop and a month and a bit ago I hadn’t even considered selling my art.

On a side note, whilst writing this and thinking of the dreamline exercise in terms of new years resolutions, I’ve come up with a few theories as to why new year’s resolutions fail:

1. Most people’s new year’s resolutions bore them to tears. They aim to aim to floss their teeth everyday, for example. Who could possibly get excited about that? In the dreamlining exercise the author cautions the would be dreamer to dream big, unrealistic, wild dreams. Nothing less will induce the motivation required to achieve them.
2. People make resolutions based on what they think they should change about themselves or their lives rather than what they want to change. Again, the author cautions us not to be tempted to put down socially desirable dreams like “fight world hunger” when what you really want is a shiny red ferrari. These socially acceptable but completely passionless goals won’t stoke your “I’m gonna change my life” fire either.
3. Finally, when creating the dreamlines we narrow it down to a short-list of four. Not only does this help us focus on what’s important but it also means we can do each of our dreams justice by giving them the time and energy they require to be fully realised. Remember, the dreamline is timelined – you aim to achieve your goals in 6 or 12 months. So, you focus on the most important goals and then once you’ve achieved them you get to do another four! I’m guessing most people’s new year’s resolutions lists will have more than four items on them.

Thank you all for coming to read my Best of 2009 everyone! A very happy 2010 to you all!